Crazy Brain Post - You've been warned!

This weekend has been an emotional roller coaster. I have felt:

Excited

Nervous

Joy

Scared

Happy

Surprised

Anticipation

Optimism

Pessimism

Hope

I don't know if the last one is an emotion, but I sure have felt it.

Big Bear and I have been busy. Yesterday we spent a lot of time at Home Depot getting ideas to redo the bathroom off of the kitchen. I have wanted to redo that bathroom for years. A few weeks ago I told Big Bear that I was going to redo it myself over spring break. I want it finished before we travel, and if that meant doing it myself I will.

The prior owners of this house put carpet down in that bathroom. I apologize if I offend by this next statement, but who in the world puts carpet down in a bathroom?? GROSS!

There is NO way I want potty train a baby with a bathroom that has carpet.

Big Bear, love his heart, decided (on Friday when the news broke that we may be in the next batch) that we really needed to get that bathroom done. "What ever you think Honey!" :o)

We have also spent this weekend watching the movie Adopted by Barb Lee. We watched the documentary part yesterday. Today we watched We Can Do Better, the companion video. This has been a VERY good tool for us. We have had long conversations over the last two days which has been so beneficial for both of us and hopefully we in turn help us be better parents.

This video touches on many aspects of adoption; from infertility to becoming a transracial family. It is a video that -at times- was difficult to watch because it brought up issues that are so easy to pass over, stuff down, and not address. It is easy to gloss over issues, bring this baby into our lives, and hope to be the happy, beautiful Rockwell-esque family. In reality that is not the case, no one will ever truly live up to that image.

One of the best statements from the movie, for me, was that we as a family need to be open to the hard issues of adoption and deal with them as a family, that is how we become a family. Families deal with the tough stuff together.

I will continue to gather my arsenal of information so that I can best help Polar Cub. I know I am going to make mistakes. I know we are going to have a long road of bumps and detours ahead of us, but I firmly believe that knowledge is power. With power comes strength and with that strength we will continue to learn, to grow, to love and be a family.

Well, Jeepers! I never thought this post would take such a detour. This is sort of how my brain has been going all weekend ~ non-stop and in circles about so many different things. I think it is time to start making lists. I am a list maker and it seems to calm my nerves when I have lists.

In a few more hours we will know if we are 'in', or if we will be getting back on the roller coaster ride of waiting for one more month. (Deep BREATH)

Am I Feeling...

Braxton Hicks?

or

Labor Pains???

There are rumors floating around my LID Yahoo group about referrals coming.

Yesterday they were saying the 9th is the cut off.

Today I'm reading that the 11th or 12th is the cut off!!!

Holy Shiitake!!!

What ever it is, I am having a really tough time concentrating today.

I'll post again when I know something definite.

Until then I'll be patiently wating.

Trying to anyway...

A Hodgepodge of This & That...

Here goes another ‘catch-up’ post. I keep telling myself that I will post about things as they come up, but then time slips away, I get lazy, or I begin to wonder if anyone ~ other than Mom ~ really wants to read all this babble. I’ve tried to divide it up so you can skip the boring parts. :o)

School

We haven’t had much school at all this year due to snow. I have worked one full week since Christmas break. Other weeks we've been in school for a day or two and then out for the rest of the week. When we go for one day and then are out for three it’s tough. It’s hard to get the kids back into the swing, it’s hard for me to get back in the groove. Some kids rarely come on the days we are in school, some of them are there in body, but it’s like pulling teeth to get them to concentrate on ANYTHING!! Friday I finally decided to just give credit for the work accomplished to this point, and start fresh on Monday. Hopefully we have seen the last of ol’ Man Winter!

Usually I would be quite upset with the number of snow days we’ve had this year. The only thing keeping me sane is the thought that we may be in China when my school is making up snow days. Several of my seniors hope we are in China in June. They have been on this journey with me since they were freshmen. Miss A thinks it would be so cool if we are in China when they graduate. Thinking about it, that would be a really cool ending.

The Knee

For those who have been around the blog for a while you know I’ve had trouble with my knee. Back in January it popped out again. It usually takes about a week to right itself, and then a couple of weeks after that for the muscles to strengthen again and the pain to stop.

The knee was mending as usual, but then two weeks ago my graceful, klutzy self managed to fall down a flight of stairs. Not a pretty sight, for sure. I was one big bruise, and thankfully those are now disappearing. What is not healing as quickly this time is my knee. It has been nearly two weeks and it still hurts. I know part of the problem is because it wasn’t fully healed from when it popped out a few weeks ago.

The major realization I have had over the last two weeks is that I NEED to get back to the pool! When I was swimming regularly my knee was strong. I can’t remember having trouble with it like I’ve had the last few months. I also know that getting back in the water will help me lose the weight I have gained back, which in turn will help my knee.

Last night I told my friends that Monday I will be getting back to the pool. Now I am telling you ~ MONDAY, I am getting back to the pool! I won’t be able to swim laps just yet, but I will be walking and doing my water aerobics. In a couple of weeks I hope to be swimming those laps. I need to! I WILL NOT be taking this freakin’ cane to China!

Ps. Mom ~ I’m fine. ;o)

Nursery News

Last Saturday the final major piece for the nursery was delivered. We found an electric recliner! It is wonderful!!! Being that I am some what vertically challenged ~ wink! wink! ~ I thought this would be perfect. There wouldn’t be all that scooting down, pulling on a handle, struggle to pull down the foot rest all the while holding a sleeping baby and praying she doesn’t wake up.

With this wonderful chair one button is pushed and the chair quietly reclines. When the second button is pushed it quietly goes back to the sitting position. It’s PERFECT!!!

The afghan was a gift from a very good friend. Isn't it perfect?!?! Thank you S!

Yesterday Big Bear and I went up to Lexington. We came home with A CAR SEAT!!!

(Excited Pause)

Ok! I don’t know why this was so exciting for me, but it is!! Four years ago I did A LOT of research on car seats. I wanted to get the safest seat on the market. After much thought I was sold on getting a Brittax. Imagine my shock and awe when we walked out of Bab*es R Us yesterday with the Evenflo Symphony 65.

There were two other couples looking at car seats while we were. One of the sales people came over and gave a talk about the different seats. She was VERY knowledgeable and gave the good, bad, and ugly on all of the seats. Two of us pulled out our phones and looked up the information she was referring to. It all checked out. Big Bear and I decided that the Evenflo was for us. We walked out with the tan colored one for his truck, and put the grey one on the registry for my car.

One Last Note

The other night Big Bear and I were sitting around talking. Suddenly he says, “Just think in a two weeks or so we will know if we are next, or next-next. It gave me a chill. Looking at the numbers on Rumor Queen I am pretty confident that we won’t be in the March batch of referrals. In my little fantasy world March referrals will go through April 11^th. Then we will be next without a doubt.

Like I said, “In my little fantasy world” ~ The CC@@ hasn’t yet granted any of my hopes, so I’m not holding my breath ~ trying not to...

A Few More Blue X's

The CC@@ sure does like to keep things interesting! On Saturday I commented that there weren’t even rumors that matching had begun, which has been the case in the past. Rumors would begin to swirl around the internet that matching had begun and then about a week or so later people would receive the call.

Friday there was no news of ANYTHING happening. Jump ahead to early morning Monday and I woke to several emails that European agencies were CONFIRMING that referrals were coming. By the time I went to bed last night several families from the April Flying Tigers were receiving pictures of their new little bundles. WILD!!!!

All month I kept hoping that CC@@ would get through the 5^th because it is a large group. Deep down I have to admit I was a little disappointed. I was hoping they would do more than two days. I did read some where yesterday that more families were matched in this batch than in the December batch. I also read that if CC@@ matches the same number in the next batch it will take us up through the 11^th.

That means that we will be next, next. That is a good thing. Only time will tell. For now I am very excited to follow along as fellow Flying Tigers begin the next part of their journey.

Notes From KY...

• Tomorrow is the last day of January and unfortunately there were no referrals for the month, again. There isn’t even a rumor of the possibility of referrals coming. Disheartening.

• Last night I went to dinner and a movie with a really fun group of women. It was so much fun, I felt like I was in high school again! We laughed, talked about boys, ate, went to a movie, and LAUGHED! We saw When in Rome. It is a cute movie. Great for a girl’s night out!

• I am still not the proud owner of a steam mop. I can’t find the one I want around here. My dad gave me the idea to look at Lowe’s, so if I can’t find one there I am going to either order it on-line or wait until I go to Lexington. As long as I get it before Polar Cub is home all is good. At the rate the adoption has slowed down, I have plenty of time.

• One of my students at school had a real scare this past week. He was told that is may have cancer. His biological mother died of cancer, and he was told he may have the same thing. My heart went out to him. After some more tests the doctors are not sure any more it is cancer ~ Thank God.

Yesterday T came in and wanted to talk about being a vegetarian. This scare has made an amazing change in this young man. The questions he asked me yesterday touched my heart. He wants to do all he can to be healthy and strong. When I met T three years ago all he dreamed about was being in Special Forces. Everything he talked about was army and zombies ~ he makes me smile. Now he is talking healthy diets, exercise, and graduating high school.

The best part of my job is seeing the changes that occur in my kids. There are the improvements in their reading and writing, but more amazing is the change in maturity. They all come in as gawky, hormonal teenagers ~ and several leave that way. Many of them, though, mature into young adults who make me so proud.

(By the way, I didn’t talk T into being a vegetarian. We talked about better meat choices. Right now he eats fast food hamburgers and sausage pizzas. I told him that being a vegetarian is more than cutting out meat. I told him that if he is wanting to ‘bulk’ up he will need good sources of protein. I don’t want anyone to think I preach being a veggie. For me it is a personal choice. For kids I think protein is an important food group. I don’t plan on raising our daughter as a vegetarian. I will provide healthy, organic meat choices for her.)

• The pictures that I used in the new header are pictures that we hung in Polar Cub’s room. The moment I saw the prints I fell in love with them. While I was laying them out so Big Bear could hang them it occurred to me that they tell our journey to China.

Meeting Polar Cub in China

Touring China...

Getting to know Polar Cub...

Our journey home and beginning our life as a family.

Yes, I know it may be a stretch and you all now KNOW I'm nuts, but I've had way too much time to think about things. I am so ready to begin the next chapter. The chapter where the word Wait will no longer be a four letter word!

Feel Like A Kid At Christmas

Do you remember when you were a kid the feeling of anticipation that started just around Thanksgiving? It usually really took hold when the toy ads hit the newspaper and the Sears catalog came in the mail. That anxious, excited feeling that would make time seem to stand still.

I haven’t felt such a feeling in YEARS! Until a few weeks ago. The month of January has been the longest month so far in terms of waiting for the next batch of referrals. I thought for sure another month was skipped, until I looked up the date for the last set of referrals. They came out on December 30th. I can’t believe it hasn’t even been a month yet.

At times my stomach feels like it is full of butterflies. There are moments of tears ~ for example the other night when Big Bear told me that he ordered three tickets for next years UK football games. He thought Polar Cub should have her own seat. TEARS!

Instead of looking at toy store catalogs like I did when I was waiting for Santa Claus, I am looking at baby gear sites. We went through tubs of baby things that we have collected over the last four years and put them away in Polar Cub’s drawers. We have even started our ‘going to China’ pile. I have been a cleaning fool. Right now our house is so clean, even my mom could drop by and it wouldn’t faze me.

Warning! A tangent! Speaking of cleaning I am on the hunt for the perfect steam mop. We have a tile in the kitchen that has so many tiny grooves. Even though the floor is clean for a house with three dogs, the thought of our baby crawling on that floor without getting deep down into those grooves gives me the heebe jeebies! I have the mop narrowed down to two, and hopefully by the weekend I will be the proud owner of one.

Unfortunately, I think these excited, frantic, anxious feelings are going to go on for longer than a few weeks like they did at Christmastime when we were younger. I think we will see a referral in March ~ maybe April. I wonder if we will be the first group to hit the 48 month mark? On one hand it is good to have the time, I have decided on a few projects that need to get done around the house before we go to China.

Years ago we waited for Santa Claus to come down the chimney.
Now we are waiting for the stork to land.

Snow Day #4

Yes, we are on snow day number 4! Usually I would be over snow days at this point and ready to get back to school. I never like the thought of having to make up more than one or two snow days at the end of the year. Having this week has been a blessing in disguise, though.

On Monday my knee popped out of whack again. Every once and a while the meniscus in my knee will pop out of place. It takes a couple of days for it to right itself, and then a few more days for the pain to stop every time I take a step.

Things are looking up! This morning I didn't reach for the Adv*l bottle before anything else. Having the time off has been good, because the days would have been quite long at school on this knee.

Another reason I don't mind the snow days this year is because ~ do I dare say ~ I am hoping we are in China when it comes time to make up the days. Now that I have said it CC@@ will slow down even more and we won't travel until June or July, but a girl can dream.

It is supposed to be bitterly cold here this weekend. Right now it is a whopping 9F outside. Even Florida is getting hit with uncharacteristically cold weather. Stay warm out there!