October 21, 2010


Over the last few months people have been asking many questions about Nugget, such as where is he from? or does he eat a lot of rice? and even are you his maw maw? Yes, someone really asked me if I was Nugget’s grandma! I’m letting that one go, letting it be free. Otherwise I’ll be depressed for a month! As for the rice comment ~ ignorant!

Moving on…

The most common question that I have been asked over and over since we’ve been home with Nugget is, “What is his special need?” This question has come from people within the adoption community, but I have also had non-adopting adults ask, “what was wrong with him?” Huh?!?

A few months ago the three of us were in Wally World when we met a couple with a four-year-old boy from China who clearly had had a cleft lip. The mother of the boy asked what Nugget’s special need was, and when I told her that he didn’t have a special need she couldn’t believe it. She slapped her husband on the arm and said, “they got a healthy one!” (not kidding) Then she wanted to know how we did that? The more we spoke with this couple the more irritated I became. I simply passed it off as ‘ignorance’.

Until recently I really haven’t put too much thought into it when someone asked the question. Until we met our social worker on Saturday for the six month interview.

Big Bear and I were being asked the typical questions at the beginning of the interview:
· Where is he from?
· How old is he?
And then it came:
· What is his special need?

It caught me off guard when I was asked this question.  On one hand t is understandable that people may think because Nugget is a boy from China he has a special need. I understand that it is more common to have a boy with a special need from China, but it also makes me a little sad for Nugget. Sad that people automatically think that the only reason he is home with us is because he has a special need.

Non-special needs boys are rare, but there have been more adopted in recent months. In our travel group there were two boys - both are healthy non-special needs boys. Our guide told us that she is seeing more boys being adopted internationally.

The next question that inevitably comes when I reply that Nugget does not have a special need is, “how did you do that?” Everyone, including our social worker, wants to know how that happened.

I don’t know how it happened. The only thing we did was write EITHER on our application where it asks if we would prefer a boy or a girl. The rest of the story had absolutely nothing to do with me.

I am sure the questions will continue. Some questions will make me think, they may irritate me, or even stop me in my tracks. When the insensitive/irritating questions come up I have a choice; I can walk away or I can choose to take the opportunity to educate. Hopefully, I will also teach Nugget how to handle such situations in a positive, productive manner.


  1. His special need was for two loving parents - and he got those. Kudos on the infinite patience!

  2. I'm sure it must be tough to hear over and over. So unfair to Nugget and his parents too.

    Love Wendy's comment!

  3. You go Wendy!!!!
    My first thought wasn't very nice but I'll share it anyway. I believe we ALL have special needs. Some of us need more patience, some of us are slow readers, some are unorganized, some obsess about clean houses yadda - yadda! I thought that if someone would have asked me what my child's special need was I would say "he doesn't have one at the moment - what's yours?"
    I told you it wasn't very nice. No nasty mail please. ;)

  4. LOVE Wendy's comment!!!!

    Nugget was a blessing hands down!