Questions

Over the last few months people have been asking many questions about Nugget, such as where is he from? or does he eat a lot of rice? and even are you his maw maw? Yes, someone really asked me if I was Nugget’s grandma! I’m letting that one go, letting it be free. Otherwise I’ll be depressed for a month! As for the rice comment ~ ignorant!

Moving on…

The most common question that I have been asked over and over since we’ve been home with Nugget is, “What is his special need?” This question has come from people within the adoption community, but I have also had non-adopting adults ask, “what was wrong with him?” Huh?!?

A few months ago the three of us were in Wally World when we met a couple with a four-year-old boy from China who clearly had had a cleft lip. The mother of the boy asked what Nugget’s special need was, and when I told her that he didn’t have a special need she couldn’t believe it. She slapped her husband on the arm and said, “they got a healthy one!” (not kidding) Then she wanted to know how we did that? The more we spoke with this couple the more irritated I became. I simply passed it off as ‘ignorance’.

Until recently I really haven’t put too much thought into it when someone asked the question. Until we met our social worker on Saturday for the six month interview.

Big Bear and I were being asked the typical questions at the beginning of the interview:
· Where is he from?
· How old is he?
And then it came:
· What is his special need?

It caught me off guard when I was asked this question.  On one hand t is understandable that people may think because Nugget is a boy from China he has a special need. I understand that it is more common to have a boy with a special need from China, but it also makes me a little sad for Nugget. Sad that people automatically think that the only reason he is home with us is because he has a special need.

Non-special needs boys are rare, but there have been more adopted in recent months. In our travel group there were two boys - both are healthy non-special needs boys. Our guide told us that she is seeing more boys being adopted internationally.

The next question that inevitably comes when I reply that Nugget does not have a special need is, “how did you do that?” Everyone, including our social worker, wants to know how that happened.

I don’t know how it happened. The only thing we did was write EITHER on our application where it asks if we would prefer a boy or a girl. The rest of the story had absolutely nothing to do with me.

I am sure the questions will continue. Some questions will make me think, they may irritate me, or even stop me in my tracks. When the insensitive/irritating questions come up I have a choice; I can walk away or I can choose to take the opportunity to educate. Hopefully, I will also teach Nugget how to handle such situations in a positive, productive manner.