March 31, 2010

Dear Mr. Stork:

Start flapping those wings!
No pit stops, breaks, or sight-seeing stops are necessary!!
Thank you!!

For a while today I had hopes that we would have stork sightings. No such luck! We'll continue waiting. At least now it's just a matter of days, and not months.

Thank you to my 'Angels' for all your support today. It was exciting!! Thank you everyone who has sent emails, texts, and FB notes. I feel very lucky to have so many friends and family waiting with us!

March 30, 2010

Word is...

...storks may be flying soon!

One thing I know for sure ~
Polar Cub HAS BEEN matched.

March 27, 2010

Want to Take A Guess?

For those of you who have been around for the long haul you may remember this bulletin board. I put this board up in my classroom back in May, 2007. At the time I thought it would be up until the fall.

In all of my years of teaching ~ which have been quite a few ~ I have never had the same bulletin board up for more than a few months. This one has been up for THREE YEARS. Over the years the pictures have changed, but that is about it. It is not that I haven't enjoyed looking at the cute pictures, I do. Looking at the calendar that hadn't seemed to change much has been quite difficult at times.

Every time I threatened to take it down there was almost a battle cry from the students not to change it. They liked checking the days off of the calendar.

It was actually quite exciting the day we were able to check off the last days!!!

This past week I decided I HAD to change to bulletin board. My senior class and I decided we would have a little friendly contest to help pass the time until the next batch of referrals. I came up with this sheet.
I passed out maps of China with the Provinces labeled. We talked about the Provinces in China and I tried to focus the Provinces where many of the referrals have been coming from. I still have a guess of Tibet and Taiwan, I tried. Photobucket

Here is the new look of our board.

The empty spaces have filled up since I took this picture. The sweetest gift happened because of this new bulletin board. Word has gotten around town about our referral getting close. This week three of my former students, who have graduated, heard about this little game. They called to see if they could come and 'Take A Guess'. It really means a lot to me.

Anyone want to 'Take A Guess'? I'll even add it to the board if you like!

March 24, 2010

On the Other Side of the World... this building,

...behind the doors...

...with this sign,

sits a file containing this paperwork ~ our Dossier.

Right now the dossier may be on a cart;

it may be on a shelf like this;

or even here.

Best case ~ the dossier is already sitting in one of these cubicles,

where someone will match us...

with our polar cub!!!!

March 18, 2010

A Brain Dump

The last few weeks have really been strange. As I mentioned in the last post I thought I would be so excited to be at this moment in our wait. You would think that being next would be the most exciting time of the last four years. I have been excited, don't get me wrong. It's just not been the giddy excitement that I thought it would be. Then my friend OziMum hit the nail on the head when she commented on the last post and said, "...I was more numb than excited..."

That is exactly the feeling! Numb. Thank you OziMum! I'm glad I'm not crazy!!!

Heart line

Over the years many have talked about the love they have for their baby in China. I just figured I was cold-hearted or maybe guarded, because I never felt a connection or a love. I knew that the love would grow in time, but I could never say that I loved an unknown child. I've loved the idea of the child. I've loved the idea of being a mom, but I can't say that I've felt a connection of any kind.

Until this week. This week I have found myself daydreaming of a baby in sleepers. I have thought of snuggling with our baby after a bath in her big warm blanket. I have caught myself drifting to a world of baby giggles. I am excited about zoo trips and Christmases, but what I am looking forward to even more are the snuggles and giggles of every day, wiping away tears while holding her close, and earning her trust and hopefully, eventually her love. Those are the things I daydream of most often.

I think I'm falling...

Heart line

There was one last big purchase that I wanted to make before our referral. Most everything else is age or gender specific so I really need to hold off. I wanted to get an Ergo baby carrier. I have been holding off buying this. It was going to be our referral gift to me, but I hadn't been feeling well this week, and I just decided it was time. I'm excited and I can't wait for it to arrive. This is the one I bought.

I posted to Facebook that I ordered the Ergo. The next day I had an unexpected visit from a friend. She is upset that I keep buying things. Her exact words were, "Do you not believe in baby showers?"

Well, honestly I am not a fan of baby showers. I am not a big fan of sitting in a chair while people look at me as I open gifts. I am not a fan of smelling diapers filled with assorted mush. I was honest and I told C how I felt. That was when I found out that she was planning on getting us the Ergo. I have been given the Cease and Desist order to stop buying any baby related items. As I told her, that will make Big Bear very happy!

Heart line

I have been very lucky to have such good friends. Another friend sent me an email this week and attached this YouTube Clip. It made me cry. It is PERFECT! I am so fortunate to have so many who understand this crazy place we are in right now.

Mom~ Grab a tissue before you hit play! I'm just warning you. :o)

Thank you P.M. I Small Heart You

Heart line

I told you this was going to be a brain dump. I still have more to write, but I think this is enough for one catch up.

I will be back soon with a "Matching" post. I have been waiting three years to write this post. Last night a rumor started floating around that CC@@ is preparing to match. {SHIVERS} I'll keep you posted if I find out that matching has begun.

March 10, 2010

Denial or Protection???

Nothing ever happens the way you think it will - is such a true statement. For YEARS I have thought about what it will be like once we know that we are next in line in China. Hours have been spent daydreaming about what things I would accomplish during the last month before referral. There were many ‘To Do’s’ on my list.

Well, here we are NEXT. What have I done? Nothing. I haven’t set foot in the nursery, much less worked on it in the last couple of weeks. I have not made a packing list, or even looked at the many lists I have accumulated over the years. I can’t decide if this is because I am in denial that we are actually next, or is it because -after all this time- I am still protecting my heart from the disappointment that still looms?

Don’t get me wrong, I have thought about ‘Next’ a lot. Big Bear and I were at the grocery store the other day and he picked up a carton of milk. He said, “Before this expires we will have our referral.” Love him.

We have been doing a lot of planning for the bathroom remodel. We have all the fixtures purchased, paint color chosen, and the floor picked out. Now we are waiting for a free weekend to tackle the project.

Whether I am in denial or protecting my heart a little longer ~ maybe a little of both ~ I know that all of our little chores will be accomplished. This is a WILD place to be. I can’t quite explain it. It is sort of like when I was growing up and during the summer my family would go on vacation with my grandparents, aunt and uncle. That last hour in the car before we reached Cedarwood Resort was the longest hour of the trip. The excitement grew with each mile marker.
Now, as each day passes the excitement grows a little more.

There are 22 Days until April 1st.
Not that I'm counting!

March 5, 2010

A Brother...

… teases.

… ALWAYS thinks he is right.

… picks.

… steals the thunder of a first birthday by coming into the world the day before.

… continues to steal birthday glory by getting to celebrate the day before me, always.

… is there when you need advise on computers, cars, or raising parents.

… can understand when no one else does.

… cares.

… makes me laugh.

… knows how to make a really good mojito!

My brother hit a ‘bump in the road’ this week. He’s been on my mind a LOT. It’s going to be a rough road over the next few weeks, but knowing how hard-headed and stubborn he is I have total faith that he will fight back ~ kicking all of the way.

You’re in my prayers, Bub.

Love you!

March 3, 2010

A Thank You & Blue X's

To say that I am fortunate is an understatement. I will never be able to express my gratitude to all of you. I know I have said it before, but I must say it again. I honestly don’t know how I would have gotten through this journey without all of you.

So many have sent texts, emailed, commented on my last crazy post, and/or called. I am truly humbled to have so many caring people in my life.

The texts started early before I was at school. They continued throughout the day. I will admit I was a bad teacher and left my phone on at school, ‘just in case’ the rumors were wrong.

Jumping off on a tangent:

Every now and then I will forget to turn off my phone at school. It never fails when I do that a text will come through, usually when we are in the middle of a lesson. When a text comes in, my phone sounds like bells. The first time it happened in class I said, “an angel got it’s wings” ~ trying to cover the fact that my phone was on. :o) Now every time my phone goes off all of the kids will yell out, “an angel got it’s wings!”

Monday there were many angels getting their wings, and I am so thankful. You will never know!

Monday on the way home from work a friend who has ‘been there, done that’ phoned. Talking to her made my day. No matter the situation this friend has a true gift of knowing EXACTLY the right thing to say. This isn’t the first time she has pulled me out of a funk, and I’m sure it won’t be the last. Thank you ~ from the bottom of my heart, M!

Thank you to all of you!

Red Bud Pam this is for you!
The last time I will have to mark off blue X’s!!!! :o)

I can’t believe we are next! No matter what ~ we are next!! Lisa, I loved your comment about this being sort of like a scheduled caesarian!

Even though I’ve thought about being next quite a bit, it wasn’t until I saw this box on the Rumor Queen that got me all verklempt!

We are FREAKIN’ NEXT!!!!!!

March 1, 2010

Maybe Next Month

I swear I am going to stitch the phrase Maybe Next Month on a pillow and then burn the freakin’ thing! I have heard those three words way too many times.

I would be lying if I didn’t say I’m not disappointed that we didn’t make the cut off. Unfortunately, I fell for the rumor that we may be in this batch. I tried hard not to, but it was so hard.

Sadly this has brought up the same feelings and emotions that I had during all the months when we were trying to conceive ~ the feelings of hope and excitement, the planning and dreaming as we waited to see if this was our ‘month’. Then, just as when we would have another negative test, the word came that referrals are up through the 11th my heart sank. I honestly never thought I would feel this way again, I HATE – HATE – HATE this feeling.

I do know in my head that this time it is different. This time I am 98% sure that next month we will have a positive outcome. I’m still going to worry a tad about lost dossiers or shut downs. I can’t help it ~ we’ve been on this ride for 7 ½ years. It’s hard to believe there won’t be another bump in the road to say, “Nope, you’re still not going to be a mom”. If I am completely honest, I won’t believe any of it is really true until Polar Cub is in our arms.

This is just a momentary pity party for one. I know that tomorrow, or maybe the next day, I will be back at it. I’ll be planning and dreaming all over again. I will be celebrating all of the new families from the Flying Tigers April Group. I will be picking out flooring for our bathroom and doing the finishing touches on Polar Cub’s room. I will be swimming and working to get healthier. I will be ready to tackle the next batch of hurdles.

Congratulations to all of you who are seeing your new babies this week!! I am truly excited for all of you!!