February 28, 2010

Crazy Brain Post - You've been warned!


This weekend has been an emotional roller coaster. I have felt:


I don't know if the last one is an emotion, but I sure have felt it.

Big Bear and I have been busy. Yesterday we spent a lot of time at Home Depot getting ideas to redo the bathroom off of the kitchen. I have wanted to redo that bathroom for years. A few weeks ago I told Big Bear that I was going to redo it myself over spring break. I want it finished before we travel, and if that meant doing it myself I will.

The prior owners of this house put carpet down in that bathroom. I apologize if I offend by this next statement, but who in the world puts carpet down in a bathroom?? GROSS!
There is NO way I want potty train a baby with a bathroom that has carpet.

Big Bear, love his heart, decided (on Friday when the news broke that we may be in the next batch) that we really needed to get that bathroom done. "What ever you think Honey!" :o)

We have also spent this weekend watching the movie Adopted by Barb Lee. We watched the documentary part yesterday. Today we watched We Can Do Better, the companion video. This has been a VERY good tool for us. We have had long conversations over the last two days which has been so beneficial for both of us and hopefully we in turn help us be better parents.

This video touches on many aspects of adoption; from infertility to becoming a transracial family. It is a video that -at times- was difficult to watch because it brought up issues that are so easy to pass over, stuff down, and not address. It is easy to gloss over issues, bring this baby into our lives, and hope to be the happy, beautiful Rockwell-esque family. In reality that is not the case, no one will ever truly live up to that image.

One of the best statements from the movie, for me, was that we as a family need to be open to the hard issues of adoption and deal with them as a family, that is how we become a family. Families deal with the tough stuff together.

I will continue to gather my arsenal of information so that I can best help Polar Cub. I know I am going to make mistakes. I know we are going to have a long road of bumps and detours ahead of us, but I firmly believe that knowledge is power. With power comes strength and with that strength we will continue to learn, to grow, to love and be a family.

Well, Jeepers! I never thought this post would take such a detour. This is sort of how my brain has been going all weekend ~ non-stop and in circles about so many different things. I think it is time to start making lists. I am a list maker and it seems to calm my nerves when I have lists. Photobucket

In a few more hours we will know if we are 'in', or if we will be getting back on the roller coaster ride of waiting for one more month. (Deep BREATH)


  1. I think you will be in.. .YOU are going to be GREAT parents..
    Can't wait to see the new bathroom..
    Glad you are going to HD...LOL..
    Have a great day..

  2. Gross is right! Carpets in bathrooms is just plain wrong.
    I have documented my mistakes on the blog for my girls to read as they get older. Well not all of them but the biggies! Live and learn, that is our motto. Parenting is a learning curve so don't be hard on yourselves E.V.E.R.
    Woohoo......it's nearly Monday.

  3. Right there with you and we are not LID until the 19th. You must be freaking out.

  4. Well, it's Monday morning in China right now. You will soon be finding out if this is your month! I can't wait for you to experience it all. You've waited so long and my heart is with you.

    I'm glad you watched the video series and I really liked your statement on it being easy to gloss over the issues. So true.
    I think the statement that impacted me the most was the one from the Korean adoptee who stated, "She will know she was abandoned from an earlier age than you could ever imagine"....ugh. Reality sometimes sucks.

    Here ya go! I'll be refreshing all day tomorrow!

  5. I'm so frickin' excited, I can hardly stand it. Please make this night go quickly. We're off school tomorrow so I can check your blog all day.

  6. Refresh...and sending hugs to you!

    Keep smilin!

  7. i saw that film in Dec of 09 just 5 months before Ellis became a reality. like you, i found it to be invaluable and it was then that i started plunging into adult adoptee literature and blogs.

    are the hours up yet? i still cannot believe Stacy after ALL these years, you are this close...

    totally mind blowing. i can't wait to see her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  8. dang it! just saw RQ... but hey- now you KNOW YOU ARE NEXT. AND... more time to get that bathroom done! right?

    omg. next.

  9. Dear Polar Cub,

    This letter is one of the hardest for me to write. I have seen the tears in your Mom’s eyes. She loves you so much and aches to hold you. She is going to be such a great mom. She is kind and will teach you so many things. She has waited such a long time to be your mommy! She will read you stories, she will act silly and make Christmas cookies with you every year. She will teach you to be strong and believe in yourself. She will love you always; I have seen it in her eyes.

    Your mommy is such a good friend. She has never stop loving or dreaming about you. The moment you are placed in your loving mommy's arms we will all be crying tears of happiness!

    Guess what Polar Cub? She will be there very soon to bring you home! This is one baby announcement I can't wait to see!!!

    Love Mommy’s Friend,


    Soon we will all be crying tears of joy with you!!!