This weekend has been an emotional roller coaster. I have felt:
I don't know if the last one is an emotion, but I sure have felt it.
Big Bear and I have been busy. Yesterday we spent a lot of time at Home Depot getting ideas to redo the bathroom off of the kitchen. I have wanted to redo that bathroom for years. A few weeks ago I told Big Bear that I was going to redo it myself over spring break. I want it finished before we travel, and if that meant doing it myself I will.
The prior owners of this house put carpet down in that bathroom. I apologize if I offend by this next statement, but who in the world puts carpet down in a bathroom?? GROSS!
There is NO way I want potty train a baby with a bathroom that has carpet.
Big Bear, love his heart, decided (on Friday when the news broke that we may be in the next batch) that we really needed to get that bathroom done. "What ever you think Honey!" :o)
We have also spent this weekend watching the movie Adopted by Barb Lee. We watched the documentary part yesterday. Today we watched We Can Do Better, the companion video. This has been a VERY good tool for us. We have had long conversations over the last two days which has been so beneficial for both of us and hopefully we in turn help us be better parents.
This video touches on many aspects of adoption; from infertility to becoming a transracial family. It is a video that -at times- was difficult to watch because it brought up issues that are so easy to pass over, stuff down, and not address. It is easy to gloss over issues, bring this baby into our lives, and hope to be the happy, beautiful Rockwell-esque family. In reality that is not the case, no one will ever truly live up to that image.
One of the best statements from the movie, for me, was that we as a family need to be open to the hard issues of adoption and deal with them as a family, that is how we become a family. Families deal with the tough stuff together.
I will continue to gather my arsenal of information so that I can best help Polar Cub. I know I am going to make mistakes. I know we are going to have a long road of bumps and detours ahead of us, but I firmly believe that knowledge is power. With power comes strength and with that strength we will continue to learn, to grow, to love and be a family.
Well, Jeepers! I never thought this post would take such a detour. This is sort of how my brain has been going all weekend ~ non-stop and in circles about so many different things. I think it is time to start making lists. I am a list maker and it seems to calm my nerves when I have lists.
In a few more hours we will know if we are 'in', or if we will be getting back on the roller coaster ride of waiting for one more month. (Deep BREATH)