January 22, 2009

Swore I wouldn't, but I did...

...I fell victim to the rumors. Many months ago I believed a rumor of a 10 or 12-day referral batch. When referrals came out it was a two-day batch. I hit bottom and I hit HARD. I SWORE I would never again fall prey to the rumors. It hurts too much.

When this last ‘referral craze’ went around I jumped right into the web of rumors. Big Bear and I started to actually think we could see a referral before summer. Our thought was if CC** could do three weeks worth of referrals this month then that would put us three weeks out from our LID. For about 48 hours all I could think about was our referral, how much we had to do, and all the trouble with my social worker and renewing our paperwork. I woke up at 3am thinking about the possibility of getting our referral before we get our paperwork. (That’s a whole separate story that has me pulling my hair out!)

In all honesty I am not really surprised by the revised rumor of a two-day batch. It’s happened before. I am sad. I am especially sad for my friends who should have been in this batch. All of you are in my thoughts.

As for me, I’m going back to burying my head. The only time I’ll be visiting RQ is to check out the baby pictures, and that is it for me. I’m much more sane when I’m blissfully ignorant about when and how many referrals are coming in.


  1. I'm sorry, S.

    I think we need a shopping trip and some pad thai!
    Sending you MANY hugs...

  2. I'm sorry. And... hmm... is that your polar bear sticking his head in the proverbial sand... or is he simply mooning the CC**?

  3. I think a lot of us got sucked in by the early rumor. I too hoped that this was a sign of a speed up. It just plain stinks :o(

  4. I am right there with you....I got sucked in and have been asking myself WHY I even get excited when these good rumors hit.....I can't imagine what these next few months are going to be bring!! When are things going to get better....when?


  5. It definitely sucks. I really didn't believe it in my head... but I felt it in my heart a little. And I started doing all the "what if I get a referral before the end of this year" stuff, too.

    But what hurts even worse is this damn 2 day batch. Now we're even further away from referral than last month.

    Damn... I'm not doing a good job of cheering you up, am I? LOL! Well, I guess you can take comfort in knowing I'm down in the dumps, too. :P

  6. It sucks.. but maybe they will speed up after their new year..
    All we can do is stay positive..
    Have a great weekend..

  7. I'm sorry luv...I'm with Sandra's suggestion.

    Your polar bear picture says it just perfectly when there are no good words.

  8. I'm so sorry! I too have been thinking of all of you so much this week and how I can't believe this roller coaster ride STILL makes such terrifying dips and swirls!! I couldn't handle a third of the ride before I have no idea how you guys are all handling it now!!

    Wish I could come give you a hug!!

    Keep that chin up girl!!!


  9. Move over...I got sucked in too.

    Keep smilin!

  10. Its so hard NOT to believe them!!! Your heart screams "don't do it"... yet we always succumb. Stupid early rumours.

    Maybe those ostrich's have the right idea?!!!

  11. It is so hard not to believe the rumors. I'm sorry the wind got knocked out of you. It is so awful.

  12. move your Polar Bear a$$ over.
    Need room for my Pug butt so I can stick my head in the water as well.

  13. It sucks :o(
    I agree with you about the rumor site...I think I'll follow suite.

  14. I am right there with you sweet girl! But we have to look at it this way we are two days closer.

    Love and blessings, Kristy

  15. Digging a hole beside you and crawling in to give you a hug. So hard to go up and down on this stroller coaster. Rumors up, rumors down...then reality. It will happen friend and you're almost within a month of your LID. Not sure how it will be for you but for me that was a huge turning point. A point where my heart relaxed and the fear of 'if' this will happen slipped away and the question of 'when' slid in. A much happier place to be. Your baby bear is coming and when she's here we'll be jumping for joy with you!

    Love you friend. (((hugs)))